Words of a Married Queer Man in Google, Hyderabad.
That was the last day of my trip to Hyderabad. It was Sunday and obviously every corporate employee of Hyderabad was enjoying their weekends by chilling out at home or high end restaurants. One of my followers from my Instagram came to know that I was in Hyderabad because of my too many Instagram stories in every single hour. He texted me in my Instagram and asked my schedules, whether I could meet him or not. As I was kind of free and done with the Sunday Shopping with one of my girls, I have agreed to meet him casually. I knew that he was software employee and I thought of meeting him to get some content. We met in the evening right in front of my hotel. He came by car and I boarded his car. I asked him where he was taking me. He said it was a surprise and he added that I would love it because I could get good content there. I was excited.
Before meeting him, he has assumed that I wouldn't meet him because he was 35 plus and married too. I sarcastically laughed and told him that I was not meeting him for a date and mentioned that I always meet my followers casually to socialize with them. He laughed then and was happy to meet me. While driving in the car, I asked about his personal and professional life. He mentioned that though his professional corporate life sucks sometimes, he seemed he was getting habituated to it. When it comes to his personal life, he said that he was happy with his family, his wife and with his sexual orientation too.
Javed was forcefully married to a girl. He was gay and he knew about his sexual orientation since childhood. But he was forced to be married because of the family situations and pressures. He came from the hard working family and had to take up his responsibilities soon after his engineering. Since then he has got settled in Hyderabad by working in various software companies in Hyderabad. After marriage, he had to convert himself into Bisexual (because he couldn't be able to take his homosexual interests out of him). When I asked him about his happiness with his marriage, he gave a sober smile and told me that he was quite happy in every context. When asked about his exploration of his orientation, he told me that he was regularly meeting guys around when time permits him and sometimes end up having sex too. I was surprised to know. I didn't want to sound judgmental, but it was kind of shocking to know the married queer scenario of Hyderabad.
Suddenly, he took a turn to a huge corporate space. He stopped his car and took a tag out of his car space. The security has allowed us in the whole humongous office premises. As it was Sunday, I could barely see people then, but on weekdays one could see people moving here and there because the whole premises would be filled with all the corporate professionals. I felt really good visiting the space on that particular Sunday. The tall glass buildings with chandeliers and interior lighting literally reflected the sophisticated yet modern vibe of the corporate scenario of Hyderabad. But I have been there to know the dark secrets behind the glow delivered by those fascinating lights. It was a fine evening and we sat in the lawn where cool breeze was kissing me. I felt relaxed and enticed with those flashy buildings. At one point, I even felt to join one of those companies, but I know I could never fit in between those fake displaying personalities.
So, there was Javed in front of me, we sat opposite to each other on the lawn of one of the big flashy buildings on the corporate premises. After sharing a lot of information about the corporate scenario of Hyderabad which indeed was a good content about Hyderabad, I wanted to interview him to analyze the metropolitan mindset of a married queer man in Hyderabad. So I have started asking him few common and controversial questions.
One phrase to describe LOVE?
Something which can't be purchased.
Scenario with your wife?
I love my wife. People must be open to their wives about anything. My wife has known about me but she never expressed her feelings directly regarding my sexual orientation. She understands that I'm interested in men but that was never an issue with her. Because, she does know that I love her and also responsible towards her. Unlike other men, I'm cool with my wife.
Few words about Sex?
Sex isn't only about intercourse and bodily pleasures. It is a bonding and emotion between two people, which makes the relationship strong. Especially Husband and wife relationships.
How's your gay life right now?
My gay life is happy, but I feel regret of not having the current scenario in past days when I was unmarried and gay. I think the situations might have differed if the current open scenario was there back then.
(I could sense his pain because many people whom I knew have ended up getting married to women they weren't interested at all. They totally ditched themselves and their orientations to step into someone's life to convince people around them. \
It is literally torturous to get married to a person whom we don't love, but has to love after marriage. I have to appreciate all those married men who are struggling with their choices in life.)
What change is required in the society of Hyderabad?
Actually, no change is required in the society. The change in every individual is required. People should have individuality to have their own opinions and to take own choices rather than following other narrow minded people blindly. The flow of information is getting limited in the current scenario in society. It must be expanded by enlightening and educating people.
One suggestion to Hyderabad Gay life scenario
Be realistic. Don't dream too much about the people and judge them by their looks. Be practical and try to understand people. Gay sex should not be taken as something which can be available so easily and which is free of cost. People should stop considering gays as substitutes for women. Gays shouldn't be taken for granted.
Your words on Gay dating scenario.
The gay dating scenario in Hyderabad is fine. It's that people become competitive in choosing their boyfriends and sometimes annoy others by public display of affection. Under the name of dating, many gay individuals are getting exploited, molested and used as a sex material. Gays should be aware of those kind of people who take them for granted.
Have you seen any change after the decriminalization of Section 377 in India and especially in Hyderabad?
Most of them are still closeted. The act is not particular about the sexual orientations and the homosexual love. It's more than that. This act has actually prepared to control and prevent transmission of sexual diseases between two same gender people. Because the rate of sexual transmitted diseases is higher in homosexual partners. But the act has got drifted to another level in India. It has totally considered as illegal to have protected sex too. But finally, everyone is happy about the announcement made on 6th September, 2018.
I have heard Transgender Community is strong in Hyderabad. What do you say about it?
Well, the transgender scenario was good. But now, most of them are fake. They are unnaturally transformed people who are aggressive and mostly opt it as a simple route to loot money from people. Seeing them, many people are adapting to the scenario and started dressing up as Transgenders and literally demanding money from people.
I want to hang out at any gay parties in Hyderabad? Are they happening in the city?
Yes, the parties happen regularly in these posh places like Banjara Hills, Punjagutta, Jubilee Hills and some sorted pubs in Hitech city, Hyderabad. They are fine to step in and have fun for some time.
Does anyone about your hidden sexual orientation and how they reacted?
My brother knows about me in my family and he has never judged me regarding that issue. I never faced any judgments from people because I'm not effeminate in portraying my personality. My macho personality makes people think that I'm straight and many of my friends didn't believe when I came out to them personally.
To conclude this interview, can you share a few words about dealing a queer life being a married man?
I feel good to be a married man now. The main reason behind this is the women we marry. Women love their men no matter what. They don't bother about the past sexual preferences. They don't care whether their men are gay or straight. Women are understanding where men have dominated male egos which makes them feel frustrated and many men behave weirdly with their wives in a dominating way to clear their messed up minds.
A Lot of married men enjoy their life after marriage. Because, they can explore the sexual orientation and also can explore the happiness in married life too.
Don't you consider it as something unfair for all those wives who get married to these men who also explore their sexual orientations?
It isn't unfair until and unless if a husband neglects the responsibilities towards his family, wife and kids. Many married men treat homosexual practices as personal interests. They never treat sexual encounters with gays as an act of relieving the stress. For me, hanging out with gays and sexual intimacy with gays makes me feel myself by sharing myself with someone who is like minded. It's like living moments which makes me feel natural in being gay.
His answers made me understand the real mindset of a married man regarding the queer scenario. I have encountered many married men who were interested in gays in the capital city of Telangana. Indeed, they were also gays, but ended up getting married to women forcefully because of the conservative society and family pressures. Talking to him was sort of relieving from my anxious mindset because till then I was frustrated of confusing queer lifestyle scenario in Hyderabad. But his clear mindset about his balanced life of marriage and sexual orientation has changed my opinion slightly in a positive way regarding the whole Hyderabad Queer Scenario!
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