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Why do you bring up everything to sort out that one issue?

Why do you have to? Do you like exaggerating things? Do you like dragging a discussion to an argument and finally end it with a senseless fight? What makes you think that one problem can be solved by involving other issues which retain no connection with the present issue? Have you ever asked these questions to yourself or your partner when you fight or argue in your relationships, especially when you both realize that you are taking things way too far than they are truly destined to?

Queer couples are no lesser than any other heterosexual couple and hence, the couple scenario remains the same in any kind of relationship regardless of sexual orientations. Couples tend to get into some ugly arguments on simple things and later regret being such a spoilsport in their relationships. If you are that person who likes to bring up all the past sorted and unsorted issues into any current issue in your relationship just to prove your point or to degrade your partner even more, then you are completely wrong for being that way, argumentative, and torturous.

Gradually, this kind of mentality makes you end up with a huge loss of your partner and no matter how many relationships you get into, you inevitably face breakups because of the same issue. Until and unless you stop bringing up past painful things in sorting out one particular issue in your relationship, you never have peace of mind and worse, your partner never feels happy being with you.

Needless to say, a particular fight or argument has a chain of events, and some issues are interlinked to past events. Hence, a person may sometimes unknowingly bound to bring up all the previous contexts in the sense of referring to try to get a solution out of them. You can only apply this rule in sorting out your relationship issues when the problem revolves around a matter which has everything to do with the past problems and their unsorted outcomes. But most couples don't understand this and easily get drifted towards dragging all the unnecessary things into one issue and make it look bigger even though the problem can be easily sorted and the solution is right in front of their eyes.

It all starts with a mindset that is completely stuck up to prove one's partner wrong and make sure the partner apologizes for the problem, even though it isn't quite a problem. Egoistic, quarrelsome, and aggressive people are more likely to fall in the category of bringing up unrelated issues in a particular problem. Because they like wrangling their souls to the past events and make sure the current event turns towards their side and makes them shine under the limelight of a relationship. If you are that person, sorry, you are toxic and you make your partner's life a living hell.

If you consider these traits as dominative, strong, and powerful in your relationship, then you are just making yourself, a fool. Don't do that. Preferably, try to get along with one issue and start looking out for things only around it to recognize a connection to sort the problem out. You don't have to dig into the past to let your partner understand that he/she/they are wrong. If you possess a valid point to showcase your partner's wrong perception in your relationship regarding the particular issue, you can always prove it. But just because you can't find one and you still want to prove yourself correct, you shouldn't bring previous issues, especially the ones that make your partner feel emotionally guilty. This particular move may make your partner feel targeted and cornered for being himself/herself in a relationship. If you are in love, you will never make your partner feel that way.

Out of everything, relationships aren't about proving yourself right or wrong while sorting out an issue, they are all about making the bond stronger to find loopholes in a problem and get a solution out of it by staying together on one point. So, if you treat your relationship as a chance of pointing out the mistakes of your partner, you can never evolve as a true partner and that's surely not how a relationship or how a partner work.

So, stop bringing up various irrelevant issues from the past to sort out one issue or a particular issue. Look out for the solutions around the issue and take the cues from the past, but don't point out the whole issue and keep increasing the weight on your current issue with a lot of unnecessary past things. Well, a true relationship only excels further when a couple can find sort out issues without pointing out each other and without digging past events. Be a couple whose fights are worth growing further instead of falling apart.

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