Ways to talk about the elephant in your "bed-room"

This particular idiom is both important and controversial too. Some use this to get clarity, and some use this to create confusion. Everyone wants to know and talk about the elephant in the room though it is invisible because here the elephant is metaphorically compared to some intense and serious issue. What if that particular critical issue is between a couple and what if the elephant occupies its space in the bedrooms of couples, especially the queer couples.




Unlike heterosexual couples, the queer couples encounter various intimate, sexual, sensual, physical, mental issues in their bedrooms when they try to explore each other in every possible way and there are many chances for a person to experience some sort of unusual, weird, annoying, unexpected, unpredictable and unfortunate incidents with one's partner while sharing one's bed. A very few people among us take initiation to talk about anything to sort things out but some people get stuck with thousands of thoughts in mind because they are unaware of the ways to talk about the elephant in the room. But if you don't talk about it, that elephant may crush you under its heavy weighted feet.




Direct approaches won't work all the time. If you are open and straightforward, who is hanging out with a conservative or restricted partner, your confrontation may ruin the whole scene. Not everyone likes to be asked and told about their sexual performances or their bedroom behaviors straight into their faces because that may offend them and their ideologies. Hence, sometimes you need to point out his premature ejaculations indirectly than asking him on his face.




Examples always help you out to get what you want to hear from your partner. If your girlfriend is cranky, uncomfortable, and mean to you at times when you are with her privately in bed, then you must try the method of fitting your situation as an example by considering outsiders in that particular example to know about her views on that situation. This way, you can find out what's running in her mind.


Have you ever told your father that your friend is performing well in football because he purchased new shoes from Nike, just to ask him to get you a new pair of shoes? Well, this is the common approach kids use to get what they want. Though you are an adult now, sometimes you need to create an example of a situation to let your partner know what you want and how you are craving to talk about your private life to get a clarity about particular issue in your bedtime moments.




Go slow. There is a proper protocol to handle things, especially while talking about intimacy in a relationship. If you have a problem with his unhygienic body and her ridiculous blow-job methods, you need to approach slowly instead of pointing out at the issue with a severe tone. Maintenance and Methods are two important elements; a person can get easily offended. Do you like it if someone comes and tells you that you stink and you hug like a jellyfish? No one likes it but everyone can think about the feedback if you say it properly. Go easy on your partners for the first time if you want to talk about the elephant in the room.


If your partner likes to repeat his/her annoying mistakes or likes to portray his/her irritating personality all the time, then you need to take the charge of hopping out of your bed and stand right in front of your partner to confront about his/her behavior. You don't have to bear the whole weight of the elephant's feet all the time and fake as if you are okay with it. A repetitive mistake must be confronted.




Flowers, cards, dinners, surprises, gifts, this helps a person to make one's partner comfortable before talking about the elephant in your bedroom. If you want to talk about something which has been irking you off all the time but confused about how your partner, take it, then you need to play it smart and safe. Here you need to express your feelings and also not to hurt your partner's feelings too.



So, take your girlfriend out for a proper date and let her understand what's bothering you in your relationship be it bedroom moments or any other aspect. Nothing can make a person understand better than a conversation over white sauce pasta with red wine. If your boyfriend is tough and his behavior is making the relationship tougher then block him with the toughest surprise so that he couldn't resist hearing, thinking, and understanding about your issues with him. Sometimes pleasure bargaining is an option to eliminate the pain constraint.


And one last way, where you can make your partner understand about you and let him/her talk about the elephant in your bedroom is to create the exact situation where you once got stuck up with your partner. Sometimes people understand the situation of others only when they see themselves in a similar situation. So, you need to be strong and a bit harsh on your partner to let him/her comprehend what you went through and how you felt. This will let your partner come out clean by talking about the same elephant in the room which you once got crushed by. This reverse approach always works and mature adults can take it sportively and work on their issues to come out as a power couple!




So, what are you waiting for, is there an elephant in your bedroom you want to talk about it with your partner?


#everydayqueerlife #towardslove #queerrelationships #elephantintheroom #lovelife