"Homonormative", is an evolving term to encourage gay men and to bring normality to heteronormative society in terms of inclusivity. But in the process, sadly some demeaning exclusive factors are popping up in homonormative gay culture, especially with the 'so-called perfect gay' image issues. On a broader picture, the gay community is obsessed with portraying perfection regarding one's gay man image and this isn't a factor that one must be proud of. This indeed causes inequality among gay people which makes the outside world thinks less about the gay community.
The queer community is vast including various sexual orientations and gender identities but gays always dominate that typical queer image in the eyes of society. So much happen among gay men internally which results in the segregation of people by various tribes, body images, and many more. Instead of making all gay men support each other, this, in turn, divides them under various labels predominantly concerning the aspects of masculinity and femininity.
The question of being gay enough and the expression of being too gay remain the two common issues every gay man is forced to face with the emerging homonormative gay culture and it is seriously bothering many gay men by making them succumb to the invisible element of being a perfect gay man.
Have you ever posed a question to yourself about whether you are gay enough or not? If you did, then you might have gone under some severe discrimination among other gay men around you. Generally, gays are pretty fun, flashy, and flamboyant. It doesn't mean every gay man must be exuberant enough in expressing their gay elements to the world out there. A person is more than one's sexual orientation and there isn't any necessity for a person to convey that element everywhere. But unfortunately, this isn't a scenario in the typical gay community especially when a simple introverted straight-looking gay man hangout with extroverted fancy gay men.
Strictly speaking, every so often without any intention, people pass the vibe of unwelcoming nature when in groups and it makes a person who doesn't befit that typical image thinks twice about one's sufficiency in matching with others around. This is the very reason why some gay men question themselves whether they are gay enough or not.
To be crystal clear, no one can be anything enough in this world because everyone is different in their perspective. There is no such thing called 'being gay enough' and one must stop giving it much thought. If you keep questioning yourself, you end up feeling difficult in accepting yourself. Unless a person accepts one's orientation, one can't evolve and explore it to the core. Hence, if you are someone who questions your gayness because of other gays' affable personalities then you must stop it as soon as possible and you shouldn't be bothered at all. You are gay and you better appreciate how it is to settle the normality in gay culture.
On the contrary, there exist some gay men who look masculine enough and always point out fingers at effeminate gays by demeaning them with the factor of embarrassment. This is when effeminate gay men always feel bothered by others regarding their radical feminine nature and often get bullied by other gay men which is again a critical element in gay culture. If one set of gay men points out the other set of gays, then what's the point of having an enormous gay community with gays from various nooks and corners of the world belonging to multiple cultures and traditions?
'Am I being too gay?' is a foolish question to ask yourself and also a disgusting statement to throw at other gay men. If someone pokes you by saying that you are too much of yourself, wouldn't that bother you? Then, why do you think it is any different from asking yourself or questioning others about being too gay? Does being too gay have anything to do with the effeminate nature of a gay person? Have you ever considered the element of gender identity instead of labelling a person only under the roof of sexual orientation?
An androgynous or gender neutral or genderqueer person can also be gay and their effeminate nature elevates their image of embracing femininity the way it is and being a queer person, one must accept it the way it is without posing baseless questions or throwing irrelevant statements at other gay people. If you are someone who achieves the opposite of it, then you must be someone who suffers terrible issues in accepting yourself and others. It's high time you should alter your attitude. And if you are someone who constantly overthinks whether you are too gay, then you should drop those thoughts and endure the way you are because that brings charm to the homonormative gay culture.
No one is too gay, and no one has to be gay enough. Being gay is being happy and cheerful, not devaluing and berating. We, the gay people contribute the major ratio of the queer community and we need to be accepting enough to make others accept us as queer people.