This is how others' coming out stories affect you!

There is a huge difference between being inspired, being influenced, and being affected. Unfortunately, in the process of acquiring inspiration, many queer people are falling into the traps of guilt, regret, pain, and deeper darkness, as they get easily affected by others' coming out stories and closeted statuses.




Coming out of the sexuality closet is a process that a person must respect and get along with, instead of rushing up and facing the unwanted consequences. It is neither a competition nor losing one's personality. It is all about balancing every single aspect of your life and gradually opening up in various phases without affecting one's harmony and peace. But sadly, this isn't the situation in the queer community. Here, influences are getting drifted away easily and people are getting affected unnecessarily.


To clear the clouds, always remember one thing, no two people have the same coming out story, and not all coming out stories include a tragedy. First, come out of that stereotypical shell and try to look at the world with your own naked eyes instead of borrowing other's vision.



Stop asking every queer person you meet about his or her or their, coming-out story. You can inquire about one's closeted status but asking about the whole coming-out story is not a pleasing thing. It affects you and the other person too. Keeping various coming out stories and the consequences others face in their lives, makes you feel worried and emotional. Because of that you even lose the zeal towards coming out of the closet (if you are not open). It either makes you feel sad or tensed about the outcomes of various scenarios. Indeed, you end up carrying a lot of baseless baggage which doesn't belong to you at all.


Until and unless you are a person who is a journalist, who conducts surveys on the queer community, who works for the upliftment of LGBTQIA+ culture, never ask about others' coming out stories. Even though knowing others' stories is your work, please make sure they don't affect your mental health. Try to maintain limitations and boundaries.




And seeing from the other person's side, if you ask an already open queer person regarding one's coming out story, you end up disturbing the healing wound or make the other person feel uncomfortable with all the drama and may also churn up one's darker emotions. So stop doing that. Though your intention seems to get inspired, you end up making yourself and the other person feels stressed.


If you are open and in a relationship with a closeted person, there are high chances that your partner may restrict at a few places, situations, and moments not to be open about your sexual orientation. In this case, your partner's coming-out struggles may make you struggle about your sexuality one more time in your life. And that's utterly impossible to handle. So, make sure you end up with the right person who perceives you, who matches your mindset, who never restricts you, and most importantly who never sweetly proposes you to get back to the closet even after coming out of it. Don't let his/her/their coming-out story affect you! Yes, this scenario can be experienced by open queer people too, under the name of love and relationship!




Not every queer person goes through a big deal of realizing and making others recognizing one's orientation. A particular set of queer people don't even find it that hard to make the world accept them the way they are. Their coming-out stories are plain, simple, and subtle without all these dramatic emotions of tragedy, sadness, and unacceptance. So, if you are that open queer person who faced a lot of chaos in coming out of the sexual closet, never compare, because that only makes you feel underprivileged and unlucky for not having such acceptable surroundings around you.


If you are still closeted, listening to such carefree coming-out stories may make you feel reckless about your surrounding and you may neglect the upcoming unseen consequences in your life. If you get completely drifted with such easy-breezy coming out stories and come out to your family and friends by assuming them to react normally, you may face the wrath of emotions you can never handle.




So, never compare others' situations with yours in any kind of way. Your circle may be rigid, restricted, conservative, and ignorant, which means you have to be careful enough while dealing with your coming-out struggles. Even though you are fortunate enough to have understanding people around you if you listen to some heart-wrenching coming stories, they may take a toll on your mental health.


Needless to say, it is okay to hear out another person who struggles to come out and be open out there and it is always recommended to suggest to some extent, but getting into the deeper chords of other person's coming out norms may affect you and others too. Offering suggestions is easy but traveling with the other person's situation is difficult. Hence, you need to evolve out of your struggles without involving others, because your coming-out story is going to be unique and no other story matches yours. Then, what's the use of inquiring, influencing, and involving others to write your coming-out story.