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That Roughest night in Delhi...

Why Love has to be so demanding? Why Love has to be so demeaning? Why Love has to be so irritating and intends to skip the original meaning of it? Why Lovers has to be so cautious about every single moment? Why can't they just live and let live their partners? Why can't they stop acting weird in the concept of Understanding each other? Why don't they think at least once before saying something serious?

Unfortunately, it was the roughest night in Delhi so far so soon... For the first time I have seen two people fighting each other in an immature way under the name of Love. It was totally disgusting for me to witness the most insane virtual conversation ever. Till my 4th day in Delhi, I was staying in Saket, with one of my ex boyfriends. He was tagged as my 11th boyfriend serially, who asked me to stay with him at his place. When I expressed my wish to stay and experience the environment of Delhi gullies in my previous phone conversations with him, he agreed and insisted me to stay with him in a gully where he was residing. The place was Said-Ul-Ajaib near the Saket Metro station. I insisted to him that I would pay for the stay.

Not getting back emotionally and physically with any of my ex boyfriends is one of my major dating ethics. So we really didn't get intimate with each other and I surely didn't have any feelings for him. We were just hanging out and roaming the places in Delhi as good buddies. He used to be that typical funny Punjabi guy and I liked spending time with him joking and making fun of people around who used to stare me. Everything was just going fine.

Here's where the twist comes in.

Time is a relentless bitch. It substitutes happiness in love with Jealousy, Insecurity and Possessiveness.

We had two larger for life Dosas that night, followed by Ice cream sandwiches where I was teasing him for his levels of appetite while I was nearly about to complete my 7th cigarette (He was counting). So while going back home, we were discussing about my plans to Amritsar. We headed home after a long walk with hell lot of laughs. I was removing my makeup, which specified that I have done with my day, I suddenly forced by my ex to get into the washroom and hide. I was irritated and denied doing that. He was urging me to hide in the washroom as his current boyfriend was on a video call with him. His current boyfriend was in Kolkata back then. As I didn't want to trouble them, I took my phone to the washroom so that I wouldn't feel bored doing nothing but listening to the lovey dovey talks. Suddenly, I was hearing the loud noises from room saying "No, no one was there", I was literally laughing my ass off in washroom. I found that as utmost fun. But actually, it was quite serious. His boyfriend was incredulous, arguing that he was fucking around in his absence and cheating on him. I was getting annoyed and irritated inside the washroom while listening to the lame conversation ever. My ex was weeping literally over the phone call and trying to prove him that there was no one. But he couldn't be able to cover the fact and finally spilled the beans saying that "Hemuu, was in town, and he came to our place to stay for a while". Then, the drama has begun. His boyfriend was furious and started acting weird out of nowhere. He blamed his innocent and dumb boyfriend. I was shocked and felt too awkward to even think about having an affair with my ex. I was enraged and rushed out of the washroom and took the phone away from my ex.

When I was about to talk to his boyfriend, I accidentally heard him, saying few abusive aspects about me. He was stating that I came to ruin their relationship. I was literally fucked up in utmost level of annoying and asked him what his problem was. After listening to my voice, Mr. World's annoying lover has turned down his volume. He was convincingly saying that he would split up with his boyfriend. It seemed so stupid when I listened to his irritating husky voice. I have never pleased anyone till then, like the way I did to that immature kid. I was maddened to the core and almost had a panic attack while my ex was weeping like a kid in the corner of the room. I have literally made him understand, but he was not in a situation to comprehend it. I told him that I would be leaving the place then and there, if he literally wanted me to. He asked me not to leave the place in the deep midnight of Delhi. When I handed the phone over to my ex, I have heard him convincing his current boyfriend more than needed. In fact, he was begging and pleading his boyfriend. The guy from Kolkata was showering his kiddish levels of hypocrisy and was arguing with his ignorant mind by blaming my ex.

After listening to these two annoying lovers' conversation, I have decided to leave the place at that moment itself. There were a lot of options for me to have a happy stay in Delhi. But as I wanted to feel the Delhi atmosphere in those narrowest gullies and for also spending some time with the innocent creature I knew so far, I have stayed at his place. God has designed an another posh plan for me to have an exciting stay ahead in Delhi. I have booked a Hotel near Delhi Aero City spontaneously with a mind blowing 3 star amenities. I have gone with my gut instincts and loaded around 35 kilos of luggage in two trolleys and 2 handbags within 15 minutes and booked a cab. While those people were still in that unnecessary conversation, I interrupted shouting at my ex declaring that I was ready to leave.

And I have experienced the most irritating thing happened that night. It was my ex, who didn't even ask me to stop once and on top of it, he was passing the information of my sudden departure from the place to his ignorant lover. My ex has totally lost his personality when he was asking his boyfriend's permission to drop me till the cab with my huge luggage. It was wholly an aggravating situation for me which I couldn't handle.

The two main reasons for this Whole Midnight, Nightmare was Misunderstanding and Miscommunication. My ex didn't convey the message of my arrival to his boyfriend just because he was scared of him. The reason was, his boyfriend seemed to be mentioned that he would break the relationship, if my ex ever meet me or talk to me. I was like fucking annoyed after listening to that insane fact. Why this happens to me always with all of my exes's current partners. Why do they treat me as slut who sleeps with every random guy? I can never understand whether they are insecure of me, hanging around with their boyfriends or because of immense possessiveness.

How could someone imagine that their boyfriends sleep around with someone in their absence and ask about the same to them without considering the fact of decency? That was a low profiled behavior I have ever experienced. I remained silent rather than arguing with that bag of shit. They say right " when we throw a stone in the mud, everything around it gets dirty. If you try to suggest, convince and please someone who is arrogant, stupid, egoistic person, yourself will be abused back".

Shut the Slut Shaming !!

Indeed, I have degraded myself talking about a person's deserving capability in every single aspect. I never did that before. I have never seen and judged people according to their social status. But I did it, that night, when my ex has called me at 4 o clock in the morning to ask me whether I have reached my hotel or not. It was groundbreaking and emotionally degrading thing for me that night. I cried, I screamed aloud in my fully furnished and facilitated hotel room.

Yeah, it was a four pillared game of love, where three pillars were humans and one pillar was an emotion. I understood the game, I kept myself low, I tried convincing him that not to split with his boyfriend because who could understand the value of that fourth pillar more than me who had 14 heartbreaks till date.

It was the best spontaneous yet impulsive decision I have ever made that night to shift from a known to a totally unknown location in a cab with a stranger and full of midnight adventures.

Sadness apart, I fell in love with my persona, one more time after I took that decision of leaving one place and two people in peace and settling myself in a new place where I belong. Yes, a lonely, posh, fitting, furnished, luxurious room. Three things, I came to know after this whole scenario was

  • "Never do things which aren't your fucking cup of tea"

  • "People should really stand for themselves when they face the most seriously annoying and demeaning situations which degrade their souls and personalities"

  • " Love is Fucking blind, dumb, deaf and differently enabled.

Dilution of Love is more dangerous than Hate!

#everydayqueerlife #delhidiaries #metropolitanmindsets #loveissuffocatingsometimes #boyfriendgames #gaylove #gaylife #insecurities

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