Sure of being unsure....

It's been exactly a week since me and my girls have faced a few unruly experiences in this historical metropolitan city, currently ruled by the government of Telangana. Yes, I'm talking about the city of Hyderabad. Well, not only me, the whole country is talking about it and the unfortunate incident happened which shook the whole nation, one more time and crushed the womanhood to the core as usual. I neither blame the city nor the country, but all I want to blame is the diminishing values of humanity in humans, especially the walking morons in society.




It's not the women who are getting targeted, it's the femininity which is being tortured and harassed with these unpredictable events. But place your hand on your heart and answer," Aren't we used to predict these incidents now and then because of the wild jackals surrounded us?" We are very sure about being unsure of the disgusting masochism. Being an effeminate gay with my androgynous fashion, I too am included with my girls in observing and taking the pain of molestation. This particular word is very common in use in the current scenario and yeah thanks to such a developing yet demeaning society.


Exactly, on the date of the recent painful rape incident witnessed by the night and the silent city, I was on the other side of the city near Hyatt Palace, Hyderabad faced one of the earth-shattering events of my life where my pride has drowned and my courage has drifted away because of the people whom I trusted and went to their place under the name of a house party. There were five guys, including the person who invited me to the party, who later came out as a pervert who knocked 2000 rupees note on my chest to shut my mouth when his other friend grabbed my ass and slipped his hands in my pants. I was not enjoying the situation and withdrew from them. They were smashed because of the pot and that was easier for me to escape from them. In the darkest hour of midnight 3, I was on a road in front of Hyatt Palace waiting eagerly for a cab to pick me up and take me out of that thorny place. People were dancing inside the palace with loud music, but I could still hear my heartbeat pacing up too fast than usual. I was afraid and freaked out and courted the cab with mixed feelings. I was frustrated enough and got lost with the location I had to reach, just to see the two blossoming faces of my dearest girls, whose faces were tired and happy because of the house warming rituals the very day. Somehow I managed to reach HOME and I didn't have any courage left to explain the incident to my best girl pals. I went to the balcony and wrapped myself with my arms and legs and sat there for more than an hour just to intake the situation with the smoke of cigarettes. It was absolutely devastating.




The next day, I heard the agonizing news that happened in the city, where a female doctor got punished by fate because of being a woman. Always surrounded by beautiful and bold women in my life, I'm always aware of the struggles they face daily when they step out. Though pretending to be fine, they always webbed by the broken situations in their life. A person's happiness can be easily ruined within seconds by the creeps around him or her. The same happened last week when we three (me and my two girl pals) went shopping in Laad Bazaar, Charminar. Shopping always opens us up as kids and we love that feeling of roaming around to check out various stores in and around. We were very sure about dragging people's attention because of our fashion sense and we were also sure about being targeted by idiots. Hence, we dressed up very normally and fully covered all parts except the faces. Later, we came to know that, one must cover themselves as Muslim women to get rid of unfortunate incidents. Maybe this is why Muslim men are so particular about their women in public.



When I was walking towards the Charminar, I slipped into its vintage beauty in the night and forgot that I was in one of the most crowded places in Hyderabad, and it happened. A ridiculous bastard has slapped my butt and when I turned back I could see the bunch of people seemed to be a notorious boy gang, loudly laughing about something they did to me. Well, it was an achievement for them to slap people's butts and touching them roughly. I couldn't say a single word, though my face became red enough because of anger. Whom to point out in the crowd and whom should I complain? To the police who were standing right in front of me counting the number of piercings, I have on my ear? Ridiculous. It didn't stop there either.


One of my girls was shopping happily and checking out every store with her girlfriend who became a bodyguard for both of us. Though, being a female, she still managed to be a tough nut to protect her delicate feminine pals. But she didn't have any idea that flesh picking wolves wandering around her and protecting from them were a mere difficult thing. The irony was, on the same night, protests were taking place for the right judgment to kill the bastards who were responsible for the death of Priyanka Reddy. Some people around didn't even know the correct name of the victim and some people were unaware of the incident. It was embarrassing to witness people who were careless about the victim of their city, for whom the whole country was mourning and protesting.


Talking about protesting, we three were there watching people taking three rounds around the monument to express their feelings to the crowd by shouting slogans for the right judgment and as we were already running out of time, we moved further to check out some stores. I was walking alone and my two girls were walking behind me. It was then I came to know that one of my pals got physically touched mindlessly by a stranger. Though my two girls were protecting each other from the vultures in that crowded place, it happened. I got to know in detail when one of them approached me sadly and said that someone ran on her breasts wildly into the crowd. We were shocked and depressed equally to the incidents we faced, because on one side, the protest was happening so rigorously for the right judgment by the government, on the other side, too many females were getting harassed and molested physically.



The crowd must be an advantage to any scared person, but the same crowd is getting treated as an advantage by these public molesters. No one knows and sure about any particular person in such a huge crowd where everyone shop happily and so unconscious about their bodies because of the exciting vibes of buying stuff at such affordable and cheap prices. Are cheap prices, and cheap people come along together? I'm unsure of that too, because the earlier incident happened with me was with elite people in an elegant place. Who to trust and who not to trust? Should femininity always get hurt because of the raging masculinity? Should females are only safe in those black burkhas, only their eyelids flashing? Can we ever get rid of these societal worms which are eating the freedom of femininity? Can we just happily breathe and not worry about people touching us inappropriately?


These were the questionable thoughts running in my mind while we were going back home in an auto. Surprisingly and shockingly, six guys on three bikes were back of our auto, whistling at us and commenting my long hair feminine look, so publicly and so daring, that it felt like it was their birthright to do pass such degrading comments on strangers. Though we haven't made any mistake, we were trying to hide in auto and they happily roamed on bikes without any guilt and fear. I still don't understand, why I calmed myself down? What could have happened if I would have raised my voice and shouted at them? Many unimaginable things could have happened to us because we were non-locals and we were truly helpless. We took a deep breath and tried to forget the incident, then and there. Because we were already sure of being unsure about the instances happened that night and we still are unsure about the incidents that are going to happen in our lives.



It's so disappointing that many people like us are stepping out of their homes being unsure about the incidents they are going to encounter every single day. Will we ever see the sunrise on the day when every resident of India feels sure about being physically safe? I can hope for it, but as of now, my effeminate nature still sending me warnings that I will be sure of being unsure about the consequences I face and yeah, the feeling of unsafe is becoming a routine for many of us!


Still, thanks to the City of Hyderabad for leaving us with its touch of generosity.


#everydayqueerlife #towardslove #metropolitanmindsets #hyderabadhandles #molestation #femininity