Repetition of same mistake...

Sometimes I feel that I'm the only stupid existing on earth who makes the same mistake again and again. I know that I have made myself in a way that I could never share my space with anyone during travel and it has proved literally in Delhi on the roughest night I had in Capital City. But, my stupid brain totally lost its senses and decided to repeat the same mistake in Hyderabad too.


Hyderabad is the nearest metropolitan city from my hometown, Visakhapatnam. And people at both these places speak Telugu. It's South India and most of my acquaintances and the initial flings in my life belonged to South India, especially these Telugu speaking states. I had a lot of friends and family members in Hyderabad. If I wanted to cut off my accommodation expenses, I could totally stop by their places and stay with them. But I didn't want to stay with them just because of their really annoying questions about me and my career. I didn't want them to discourage my work regarding gay lifestyle scenario in Hyderabad. So, I have decided to stay with one of my ex affairs. I dated him for a week when he was in Vizag. It was like Fuck and not Forget relationship.


He once insisted me to stay with him and his boyfriend whenever I step in Hyderabad. I called him when I was in Delhi and he has happily agreed to host me. Hence, I have decided to stay with him in Hyderabad in his place at Hi-tech City. I dropped from my train and he came to pick me up. We boarded the cab from Secunderabad Railway Station to Hi-tech city. It was around one and hour travel due to heavy traffic of Hyderabad city. Meanwhile, in the cab I have asked about his wellness, his life and career, his boyfriend and cherished our past flings back in Vizag. We had a few laughs. But, deep inside of my heart, I was unsure to step into his home and stay with the couple. Raj, who was 32, dating a 21 year old guy. He has been dating for around a year or so. I expressed my uneasiness regarding the stay at his home because of my previous Delhi's experience. Raj has assured me that I would be comfortable in his place and his boyfriend was fine with me staying at their place. I believed him and went to his home.


I got a great welcome by his 3 month old Labrador pet, Casper. He was all over my face, licking like mad. Casper was a cute and lovely pet. I played with it and enjoyed its company. I got a positive vibe when I was hanging out with that paw-some four legged creatures. But those positive vibes have disappeared after a while. I wanted to freshen up so badly after 30 hours of travel from Delhi to Hyderabad. Raj, has asked me to use the washroom and also strictly warned me to get ready a bit soon. Because, he knew how much time I used to take to get ready when I was with him. It was nostalgic when he delivered the dialogue in a sweet way.


Casper!

I have freshen up and came out of the washroom. I was in my towel. I have asked Raj to help me unzip the trolley and take required clothes. We planned to grab a beer. Suddenly, his boyfriend rung the doorbell. I guessed that it was his boyfriend. I was totally expecting a warm smile and huge hug from his boyfriend because earlier Raj has mentioned that his boyfriend was fine with me. He came inside the home. Casper went to his master by wagging its tail. He was totally pampering Casper. I understood it and thought he might haven't seen me yet. Then in a loud voice, I greeted him with excitement. He just replied "Hmmm". I was annoyed to the core. Raj's current boyfriend is from Raipur and a Textile designing student. He was dark, short and quite effeminate in every aspect. I didn't like the way how he responded to me. Raj has sensed his inattentiveness towards me and raised his voice against his boyfriend that why was he playing with Casper when I wished him. He was silent and was doing his own work.


To cover the awkward silence, I have asked him a few casual questions. When I asked him "How's everything going". He sarcastically replied me by saying "what, everything?" I laughed and corrected my question and asked about his wellness and studies. His answers were one liners and full of unnecessary attitude. I still don't understand why he has that weird attitude, maybe his money speaks behalf of him. I feel bad for Raj.


Raj was also kind of shocked with his behavior indeed. He insisted me to get ready soon and hit the bar for late lunch and beers. He informed his boyfriend about the plan. His boyfriend has argued with him about some other homely matters and asked him to take Casper for vaccination that evening. Raj took me out to the nearest bar. Soon after I reached the downstairs, I have told him that I would check into a hotel nearby. Because I felt a lot of negativity and uncomfortable vibes. I didn't want to be a trouble maker between a couple as I have already become one unintentionally to one couple in Delhi. Raj stricken off my word by covering his boyfriend behavior. He mentioned that his boyfriend wouldn't mingle with any person so easily. But that was mere responsibility and basic etiquette to respond to people. I have explained him that it wasn't about his boyfriend. It was about me. I couldn't be able to take that kind of behavior from anyone. His boyfriend's face was a lame yet unanswerable one. On top of it, he didn't even smile for at least once. That was a huge negative vibe.


Bira at bar with Raj!


After a beer, I have explained all the story and the journey from Delhi to Hyderabad. We shared our personal, family and love stories. He suggested me a few things about my love life and I also got emotional for his words. We returned home after our lunch and beers. It was in the evening when we have decided to take Casper for vaccination. We booked a cab to the vet hospital. We boarded the cab and then I was clear that his boyfriend got issues with me. Because, he resisted to sit beside me. That was way more irritating for me. I wondered what have I done to him. I have handled Casper and was appreciating the city lights of the Hi-tech city. Meanwhile, I could hear that Raj and his boyfriend were arguing regarding his behavior towards me. It was kiddish to the core. I didn't behave inappropriately with either of them. But, why he has to feel insecure about me. I felt it weird and they started screaming at each other because Raj forgot to carry the file of Casper. That's how the couple fight starts I guess. Those people have annoyed me for a while. We reached the hospital and Raj asked his boyfriend to get the file from home. So, his boyfriend went back home after scolding him.


After Casper's vaccination


I got a chance to clear things with Raj. I asked him to sit beside me and confirmed to him that I would leave the place and check into a nearest hotel. Raj has insisted me not to leave the place because of his boyfriend. He covered his behavioral issues by saying that he wasn't in a good mood that day. I understood the fact of insecurity and explained Raj that I didn't have any hard feelings about him and his boyfriend. It's that I wasn't comfortable staying there troubling his boyfriend. I might have oversight. Seriously, I couldn't be able to take his moody, dull, angry bird face. I could never handle a person without a smile. Raj told that it was my wish to stay or leave, but he asked me to stay and explained me not to spend money for a hotel stay. At that moment, money wasn't a deal at all. The deal was my identity. I didn't want to give a chance for an unknown person to question my identity indirectly. I have waited with them till Casper got vaccinated. I enjoyed the dog clinic very much. Dogs are always better than humans.


While we were returning back home, I drifted away with the words what Raj has told me in the evening at the bar. I asked him about why the current boyfriends of my ex boyfriends or ex flings, feeling insecure about me though, my thoughts were clear without any sexual intentions.


He replied me by saying "Hemu, your body, openness, broad mind are your strengths but they also act as your weaknesses sometimes. People who are currently dating your ex boyfriends or ex flings, assume that you may sleep and take their boyfriends away from them. They feel insecure because of your profile and how you carry yourself. Sometimes our strengths become our weaknesses too".


While I was relating his words to the situation I was facing, I realized that we have reached our home, sorry, their home. I went inside and booked a hotel spontaneously. Confirmed the location by calling the hotel staff. It was like a total repetition of the Delhi scene. I got the Dejavu feeling as everything was happening exactly like before. I told Raj, that I was about to leave the place and told the details regarding my hotel stay. Raj had no choice left. He agreed for me to leave and wished me a happy stay in Hyderabad. When his boyfriend went outside for some purpose, I kissed him on his lips and cheeks. I asked him to drop me off till the cab with the same heavy luggage I have been carrying from Delhi. Totally Dejavu moments.



His boyfriend was watching TV at the time when I was about to leave. I approached him and said that I was leaving the home and shifting to a Hotel. His reaction has annoyed me more. He just gave a sober smile and said "Okay." I couldn't be able to make my presence over there anymore. Hence, I asked Raj to drop me off. He came and dropped me till the cab. I gave him a subtle hug and got into the cab. Raj told the cab person to drop me safely at the destination. I couldn't be able to what just has happened. I bade him a bye and said yes, when he asked me to meet him before I leave Hyderabad. There was no message since then. I came to know that he forcefully blocked my number on the instructions of his boyfriend.


Well, there are many people who are in toxic relationships. Under the name of love, why these people have to surrender themselves to others or get surrendered to someone? The same thing has repeated one more time in the same trip and I was totally sure that people had issues with me and my personality. They simply treated me as a Slut which was fine. I didn't have any issue about that. Until and unless, I wouldn't create any discrepancies in someone's life, I would be fine.



Honey Cruise

I reached the Hotel Honey Cruise, the brand new hotel at Miyapur. It was built inside, but the hotel was fabulous. I had a great stay with a lot of sex adventures. Maybe I belong to these places called Hotels. The fully furnished rooms with fluffy beds, linen, spacious washrooms and large wardrobes never make me feel alone. Indeed, I would rather feel great if I stay for myself and not with others. I was just habituated by staying alone. I have repeated the same mistake twice and I got a good lesson though. Sometimes, a person has to face two slaps in face to understand the situation and get clarity. Finally, I got it, the Clarity...




The bed which comforted me in Hyderabad!

#everydayqueerlife #hyderabadhandles #metropolitanmindsets #mistakes #insecurities