Marriages are made in Heaven, but the process of getting married is hell. And when we fantasize about Homosexual weddings, they are literally like pain in the ass, but still, people who love to get married to a same sex partner will never give up a thought of settling down with one guy after a lot of fuck ups in their life. Thinking about gay weddings in India is really hypothetical. The answer for a gay wedding in India end up with unnecessary questions, judgmental criticism and most importantly unimaginable hypocrisy!
Well, the desperation towards getting married and dreaming about settling with a stable partner is totally like roaming in La La Land. It's romantic to dream, but quite hectic in practice. Likewise, I personally dream a lot about my wedding not about getting married to a partner. I love the theme of weddings, but not married life. Being an open and proudly rebellious gay guy, I'm always open to all possibilities in my gay life, including entertaining many unworthy and undeserving people in the process of dating. So, I recently got screwed up to the core by accepting a gay wedding match from one of my friends who stays in Canada.
Canada and Punjabis' are connected forever. So, this female who was one of my pals, has literally suggested me one of her friends who was gay too. As I always expressed my views about getting married to a gay guy, all my acquaintances and well wishers, love to set me up with gay guys from every nook and corner of the world. So, she also set me up with this well settled and handsome Gay business man from Gurgaon, Delhi. And, for god's sake, he was a Punjabi.
Being totally desperate about giving a shot for gay weddings, after my heartbreak with my 14th boyfriend, I took it as an opportunity to explore that particular person. After our first conversation over texts, I clearly got to know that, he was a Momma's boy. He loves his mom like crazy, he was sensitive, calm, classy, introvert and well settled. Totally opposite to me. I was a rowdy for fuck's sake, extremely extrovert, bitchy enough and with a fluctuated career graph. He was closeted to the society except to his near and dear. Whereas, I am always open to the whole public. I should have dumped the thought of thinking about him, but, my inner soul didn't let me do that, just because, I liked the guy and his profile.
We talked for hours and hours for like around 3 days continuously and we sort of liked each other by accepting each other's differences in a graceful way. While everything was going smooth, the main character of the story has entered. His typical Punjabi mother. He started talking about his mom like in an intense way. I am always this emotionless person when it comes to family. I'm just detached with the deepest emotions of a family environment. I sort of felt new, when he was talking about his mom and her needs regarding her son's life partner. My family is cool with any person I like, because they know what kind of person I'm (laughs).
I was literally shocked when he said that his mother referred me as her "Bahurani". I felt ridiculous to the core. I replied him by saying that "I must be someone's son in law and definitely don't like getting treated as typical Indian house wife". He simply neglected my words by saying that, for his mom, I would be a daughter in law for the elegant family. I have sensed something weird about his mother and her thoughts of gay weddings.
For 15th day, the setup has literally got transformed into a Gay wedding match. He said, he talked to his mother and father, and insisted me to talk to them. And most importantly, he asked me to send few decent clicks of mine for his mother to scan and scandalize me. I agreed with him, because all my Instagram clicks are fucking bold and totally irrelevant for wedding talks. So, I have sent my South Indian attire clicks and some dressed photo shoot clicks. After some time, he called me back by saying that his mother loved my clicks and the length of my hair too. But, he came with a question straight from her mother saying that "Do I sport my beard every single day?"
I rolled my eyes on the other side of the phone conversation and yelled at him by saying that I would love sport my beard and I don't like my clean shaven face. That was our second fight in a very less span. After a few moments, we convinced each other to make it work at any cost as we liked each other. He never had any problem with my hair, beard and my rebellious nature. He started understanding me. And I was already dreaming about the Engagement plans. But at the same time, I came to know that he would never go against his mother regarding any issue.
But, dreams are dreams and it's hard to make them true. And come on, whom was I dealing with, a Punjabi mother! I knew I was never going to win her ridiculous arguments and her intense love towards her son. She was sweet to me too. She gave me a nice and smart Punjabi name, but it was a name to refer a girl. Hence, I totally understood that, she was considering me as her son's wife, but not her son's same sex husband. I kind of ignored it because, her son was more important for me than her. And I have accepted her thoughts and respected them patiently until the afternoon of the following day!
In the middle of our daily romantic conversations, he asked about what kind of dresses I like to wear when I'm outside of the home and to any events or parties. I have answered him that I follow gender fluid fashion as my style statements when I step out and I love to prefer uni-sexual clothing lines much to fill my wardrobe. He was fine with that, but he once again came with a statement from his mother, that whether do I wear feminine clothing or not. I simply said, "I'm a guy and I love to dress up like a guy. Just because, I am an effeminate gay guy doesn't mean that I should prefer cross dressing as my fashion sense. And I'm totally clear about what I like to wear and what I don't like to wear".
With those lines, I just sensed a lot of confusion between our likes and dislikes. So, I strictly told every single aspect about my likes and dislikes. I stressed him to ask his mother regarding her likes about his life partner, before going further with me. I gave him time and I took a much needed break from those ridiculous conversations.
That night, he said that his mother literally wanted me to see on a cocktail dress or some Indian ethnic female clothing. And she was more stressed about this dressing concept and she seemed instructing her son to make sure I wear female clothing every time I step out of their home. I remained silent for a few moments. I was furious enough and the guy was so tensed about my opinion about his mother's wishes regarding my future dressing sense. I was broken inside and I expected this particular reply from her. I didn't yell or scream at him, but simply ended the conversation by saying "I'm done and don't text me ever".
This is what happens if you are too desperate to get anything you want. You mostly mess up things and make yourself a fool at the end of the day. The same thing has happened with me. When love made me a failure all the time, I thought of trying matches like in an arranged way. But the hypocrisy towards the LGBT community came into the picture during these wedding talks. The problem was not in me and him. It was just his loving mother, who enacted her graceful hypocrisy.
She knew that his son was gay and surely wanted him to get married to another gay guy whose preferences were likable to her son. But she couldn't be able to accept the fact of seeing her son getting married to a guy who looks like a guy. She wanted the person who totally transforms into a girl, just because of the society. At first, she had issues with my beard, secondly with my career choice and most importantly, my dressing sense. She literally wanted a girl to marry her son, but just because of her son's sexual orientation, she couldn't go against him and hence totally showered her hypocrisy with her unimaginable demands. She has shown her hypocrisy towards her son's sexual orientation and his wedding needs too.
Well, my disobedient nature, didn't let me suppress my thoughts against her hypocrisy. I have blasted her and her son with my biggest lectures about my personality and my choices. I have rejected the match, though I liked him so much. It's just I couldn't get convinced with my future dressing sense because my clothing is everything for me. I can never give anyone a chance to exploit my clothing needs. More than the wedding, at that point of time, my sense of clothing was more important.
I liked him so much and so did he. That was the reason, I left him and asked him to stay happily with his mother and marry someone whom her mother agrees because I really didn't like to get in between a mom and son for the sake of my dreams. He still tries to convince me, but I gracefully ignore the matter by asking about his mother's opinions. Because, I still want to kill her hypocritical thoughts about Gay wedding matches. I never felt bad about rejecting the opportunity to get settled in my life in an elegant way because me, myself and I are always more important than anyone else in my whole fucking life. Simple!
(I didn't articulate this whole personal life scene of mine to degrade people and regions. I wanted to portray the hypocrisy scenario in homosexual wedding matches, especially the Indian narrow mindset) Please stand for yourself when you think you won't be comfortable in the future because of your present decisions even though your dreams get crushed.