Chapter 3 - Friendship and Clarity...

Transformations are common in anyone's life to say it small or drastic. It's not only about physical but also emotional and mental transformations too. Drastic is a small word to describe the story of the transformation of Hannah to Sheikh Hannah.


A lot of struggles have to be faced by a person to transform from one stage to another stage in life. And it's indescribable when a person transforms from one person to another inside one's own body. That's what happens with the Transgender people biologically. It's easy to criticize and judge them. But it is indeed a nightmare for them every single day to confront themselves inside and to handle people outside.


Well, I asked the most common question to Hannah, regarding how he came to know about his internal transformations and how the story of Sheikh Hannah has started. And I got an answer in the form of a story where friendship laid the basic foundation to let her know that She is a He.


Hannah was a brave and brilliant student back in school. She was rebellious and she got the hidden masculine power inside her. Unlike other girls, Hannah hated to carry her long brown hair and fed up looking herself wearing Skirts as Uniform to School. She came from an Islamic family which settled in Bangalore. The South Indian restrictions made her follow the girly etiquette like any other girl. But she knew, she was not like any other girl. She was different. She was rare. She used to feel conscious and cautious about herself around other girls. She felt attracted only to girls. She used to imagine herself as a boy. She was confused until she met this girl named Joanna at school.


Joanna, an NRI student who shifted to India for her education in Bangalore. Hannah and Joanna were best friends back in New Baldwin International School in Bangalore. They have been into the world of friendship since their 6th grade. They both knew each other so well. Joanna knew her best friend better than her self. And she became the reason behind introducing Hannah to herself. These two girls were more than friends. They say right, a friend in need is a friend indeed. This phrase got proved in Hannah's life.


School is the one place where bullying starts for any person. The concept of bullying and trolling begins in the pupil stage. No one bothers about it. But the education system has to care about the bullying in school and act against those kids who troll others. Teachers must educate their children to stop bullying their fellow students.


One fine day, in 9th grade at School, Hannah punched a boy hardly in his ribs when he questioned about her body parts. Hannah was the person who mostly used to hang out with Joanna. So, the school kids have started bullying Hannah for her interest in girls and the way she behaved like a boy. Hannah always used to see herself as a boy, and disinterested in casting herself as a girl. She used to ask her mom to cut her hair short but her mother has strictly denied her many times. At the age of 16, in her 9th grade, Hannah got suspended for 2 months for her inappropriate and uncontrolled behavior with the fellow kids. She punched a boy and became the reason behind his broken tooth and bleeding nose. She was very powerful and kind of masculine when someone comments on her, her personal life and Joanna.


After two months, when Hannah got back to school and met Joanna, something big has happened in her life, something which was happening something new, something which was inexplicable. One fine evening, when everyone has done with the day, Joanna asked Hannah to stay back in the class. Hannah was confused and nervous when Joanna asked her to stay back. Joanna questioned Hannah Why did she behave rudely with the boy the other day at school. She seriously asked her the reason behind it. Indeed, she forced her what made her punch the boy. Hanna was furious recollecting the incident which was the reason for her to miss the classes for 2 months. Agitating Hannah answered serene Joanna that, she didn't like the way how that boy has behaved with her that day. She added by saying that she bullied me by referring me as the girl who hangouts with another girl. She told that she was offended for the fact that the boy has considered her as a girl which was indeed the fact.


Confused Joanna, offended the statement of Hannah, by saying "You are a girl, Hannah. It's a fact. Take it."


Hanna answered her by saying "No, I don't want to be treated as a girl. I don't feel like a girl."


Joanna, who hailed from a family that has settled in London, has a cousin brother who was a transgender and who didn't like to be treated as a boy. Joanna has connected herself with the situation back in London and she started testing Hannah. She slowly started touching Hannah, intimidatingly. Joanna asked Hannah how she was feeling. Hannah was used to liking Joanna back at school and when she suddenly started getting intimate with her, she felt it erotic. Hannah suddenly stopped Joanna from touching her. And she was running out of words and she couldn't explain to her how she felt. Because, for the first time, Hannah experienced her body reacting differently. It was erotically different. She felt as if she got aroused like a boy. She felt she was in the wrong body. She felt that she was not a SHE but a HE.


Hannah, clearly explained how she felt when Joanna touched her. Joanna also understood every single aspect of her body, her feelings, her emotions, and her changes. She has already seen a person with the same traits in her life in some other place. But the feelings and changes were the same. She could connect Hannah with her Cousin in London. So, Joanna started explaining everything about her internal changes in her body. She introduced her the word called "Transgender", for the first time for Hannah. Till then, didn't know what the term "Transgender" was all about. She was shocked after Hannah clearly explained everything.

Hannah has been facing the same kind of irritating dilemma since her 6th grade. It has been 3 years since she got to know about the biological changes in a person's body and how it reflects the behavior of a person in one's own outer appearances and behavioral patterns too. Joanna, being the girl from outside of the country, knew about these changes and mentioned and confirmed that Hannah was a Transgender and she has male hormones which started showing their effects on her body.  It was a shocking moment for Hannah but it was also an eye-opening moment, which indeed turned her path in a rough, dusty and thorny way.


If Joanna hasn't confirmed Hannah, about herself, she might have not realized herself for some more time. Friendships are sometimes way more helpful than any other relationships. Joanna's friendship towards Hanna was magical, helpful, supportive, sympathetic and powerful. Because of Joanna, the realistic side of Hannah got revealed and Hannah started to think about her, her orientation and her biological changes in very early, fresh and young age.

This is how, Hannah got introduced herself to her real orientation, sexually, physically and emotionally too. This is how friendship played a prominent role in throwing away all the confusions because it is all about Clarity.


After Hannah has explained the whole story, I got clarity to refer Hannah as Sheikh Hannah and to mention her as HE. His friendship with Joanna gave him clarity and his changes internally but he wasn't aware of his future outcomes and the drastic changes in his life...


#everydayqueerlife #storiesuntold #transformed #childhood #friendship #clarity #blogseries