Do it for someone else...
Well, when the whole world is always behind telling you to do for yourself, are you wondering why we are telling you to do it for someone else? Because in the queer community, doing it for ourselves is equally important to, doing it for someone else. What's that "it'? That particular it, includes everything which allows a person to stay happy and satisfied with one's orientation.
How many of you truly believe whatever you do to make yourself happy is making others happy? Of course, other's happiness must be always less prioritized, if not we lose ourselves and indeed our happiness in the process of making others happy. But what if those others include the people you love in every possible way. What if that other person is your partner or someone whom you love the most and get loved back equally and unconditionally?
In the process of satisfying our egos, we are losing the conscience of romanticism in a relationship. In the process of satisfying some unimportant others, people lose the important ones in their life. Especially when a person is closeted in the queer community. Leading a life in a closeted way is difficult because a person has to do many things that satisfy everyone around him but truly hurt the one he/she is in love with. This is a common story between a couple in which one is closeted and the other is open!
A closeted person is an open secret in the open person's life, whereas an open person always remains a dark secret in a closeted person's life. Accept it or not, this is a fact. Always remember one thing, that an open person is the one who comes out of the closet after facing many struggles, criticism in this judgmental scenario. And to get rid of all these unfortunate consequences and to step in a completely different life, people don't want to give a shot to come out, at least one step at a time.
Love or relationship between an open and a closeted person goes on and on with no particular end, especially a happy ending. It either abruptly stops at one point or ends in an unexpected sad way. The level of difficulties, the people who support and accept, the queer lifestyle one leads may differ from one another. It doesn't mean people must be confined to closets all the time. What's the use of saying those three magical words to the person you love when you know you deeply hurt that person by not letting the world knows how admiringly you adore that person? Of course, the world doesn't need to know everything, but everyone wants to portray their loved ones in front of the world because everyone loves making other people feel they are being loved.
Many queer couples are facing problems because of this basic yet intense thing. For a closeted person, loving in between the four walls can be enough to satisfy all kinds of emotions, but for an open person holding hands in public matters a lot because that shows his liberal queer lifestyle. Because open people are the ones already fed up being restricted to portray love in between the four walls. Hence, when an open person suggests his/her closeted partner to open up a bit, the clash pops up.
Yes, just because you are open, don't mean your closeted partner must also come out of the closet. Remember, it's you the one who actually might have signed up for the closeted nature of your partner. If you think you can change his closeted status when you are in a relationship, then you must be really strong, patient, and understanding enough. In the queer community, most of the breakups happen because of the closeted statuses of couples, especially in this millennial era.
And just because your open partner is maintaining a low profile about your relationship because of your closeted nature, doesn't mean he/she will be the same throughout life. At one point, open ones always want their relationships to be portrayed in society. So, if you are a closeted person who is dating an open one, you need to balance your closeted status which helps you to survive your relationship.
If you are capable enough to behave like you are a heterosexual to cover your homosexuality or bisexuality, don't you think that you are capable enough to let people understand what you are exactly. Because that needs a way lesser effort than enacting the fake heterosexuality. The consequences are for every single aspect regardless of your deeds. Love has the power to make a person stronger to face all such consequences. If you can do so much for people who don't give a damn soon after you cross their paths, don't you think you can do a little bit to make the ones happy, who always walk with you.
All you need to do is to open up a bit to give your open partner a ray of hope that one day you people come out as a proud queer couple. Take one step at a time. If you think coming out into society all of a sudden will affect your life drastically, then opt for the path which changes your life gradually. If you think, facing the unpredictable consequences isn't your cup of tea, try facing them bit by bit slowly to make the path easier which leads to a whole new open queer life. Do it for someone else, the ones who never make you feel you need others in your life!
This pride month, start supporting each other instead of altering your paths because of the closeted status. There are many ways for a closeted queer couple to emerge as an open queer couple and those ways can be only successful if there is a proper understanding between a closeted partner and an open partner!
