Dealing the feelings of "Out" by the closeted...

It's freedom. It's being open-minded. It's all about love in the air. This is how a person who is out to society as a queer sees the world around him/her. This is how someone open expects others to be the same as him, mostly his partner. If two openly queer persons fall in love with each other, the scenario can be considered normal, because it's like a couple going here and there enjoying the bond they share. It's like a regular straight couple going for dates. It might be weird for others, but it seems way more normal when two disclosed queer persons love each other openly. But, this is not the same with a couple in which one of them is strictly closeted and the other is overtly out. And dealing with the feelings from an "Out" person's perspective is a bit suffocating issue.



Compromising, convincing, adjusting are the three regular activities a person who is out must keep in mind if he/she dates a person who is closeted enough. And yeah, for love, two people should go to extremes to survive their relationship. Taking this as a consideration, closeted people must try to understand their open partners because, at the end of the day, they are the ones who pretend to be hidden because of your situation.


  • To deal with a closeted person, patience is more important and to deal with an open person, understanding capabilities play a vital role in a relationship. You must understand what they want and try delivering at least 50% of what they ask for. Understandably, a closeted person cannot be queer as core in public, but there is always a choice of being a bit queer to make your partner feel happy.


  • An open person sees everything transparently and expects the same from his/her partner. So, always be transparent whatever you feel and express them instead of suppressing them. Because for them knowing you and taking you out of your situation would be more important than themselves. To understand the fact of being transparent is good for both persons.



  • They crave a little attention in public because that's how they want to be treated as a regular loving couple in society. When your partner can consider your closeted situation and act according to it, why can't you consider his/her mindset and shower the love he/she deserves with a bit of attention in the society.


  • Do not take your "Out" partner as granted for everything. Just because he loves you the way you are, doesn't mean he has to lose himself in the process of making you feel happy. At the end of the day, he would no more be a closeted one and he has all his rights to enjoy his "Out" status. So, never restrict your openly queer partners because of your closeted situation.



  • You might be closeted for your kin and kith, and that surely won't serve the purpose of not being open to your partner's kin and kith. Always try to gel up with your partner's people, this will help you realize what you might be missing out there and also make you understand things around you. Be closeted but be open for your "Out" partners.


  • Adjusting and learning new things that you can't do in public definitely would never portray you as a changed person. It always makes you a well-transformed person. Keep this in mind that your "Out" partner always helps you to be out and set you up free to lead the life you like.


  • Openly queer partners always act as shields for your criticism. They won't allow others to criticize you because by then they might have had enough in their life and won't let you go through the same. They are your protectors. You must appreciate them.



  • "Out" partners are the best encouragement and boost up, any closeted person can ever find. The love they share with you makes you feel complete and also allows you to open yourself up to others. You need them for a better life wholly.


  • Love becomes exciting and adventurous. Exploration of feelings can only be experienced if a person opens up to someone who has already opened up to him. No emotional turmoil can defeat the feeling of being loved by the person who accepts you the way you are.


  • There are a hell lot of chances, where a closeted partner hurt the feelings of an "Out" partner, because of the hidden status of sexual orientations. Take time and understand, a fact that, even though an openly queer person can shout about his relationship to the whole world, because of your closeted status, he has to maintain a low profile just to make sure that you shouldn't face unfortunate consequences. They might get hurt easily, but they are also the ones who could understand your situation and act upon it.



  • And in case, if your "Out" partner urges and forces you to come out of the closet, think once whether he/she can be able to stand for you in your worst scenario. Being a closeted person, only you know how things work and if you are ready to deal with the situations, give it a shot and if you aren't ready enough, just leave your so-called "Out" partner out there to search someone else.


A truly loving person always does things whenever you are ready. And if that doesn't happen, you must accept the fact that you don't deserve each other and on the contrary, getting ready shouldn't take a life span. If you are unsure about your situation and cannot deal with the feelings of yours because of the closeted status, do not drag a perfectly free bird into your cage. Just set them free and let them explore their coming out of the status and find someone else who can get ready when the time comes. Yes, love is sometimes all about sacrifice, it might be a person or a situation.


#everydayqueerlife #towardslove #outandopen #closetedfeelings #queerrelationships