Being Desperate at Starbucks...

Human beings are so typical and weird. They won't stop doing shit if they start. If they don't start, they won't stop thinking about starting to do shit. Humans are confusing and desperate about making simple life complicated. Though I'm gay, I'm also a human being with feelings and problems with a controversial lifestyle. Well, I was already doing something controversial, complicated and different according to the society of Hyderabad in Hyderabad. But to spice my trip, I have continuously had sex in Hyderabad every single day with different people, known and unknown.

After having so called Disastrous "High Fun with my childhood crush", I bade him a bye and got ready to hit any mall which has a Starbucks. Because, only Americano Strong Coffee could calm me down, make me sober and get me back to normal state after I have smoked up too much in the afternoon. So I decked up in Shorts and Sleeveless tee paired them with Espadrilles, I went to "The Forum Mall". It's been around 3 years since I visited the mall. I couldn't find any changes. Indeed, I was not in a mood to discover changes. I wore sunshades in the night just because I couldn't be able to face heavy lighting.

It had rained that day. It was a relief from hot Hyderabad Summers. I felt good and craved for Coffee so badly. I stepped into the mall and I could see hell lot of crowd cheering up for someone on the stage. I walked towards the escalators and found a huge stage with a lot of the crowd came to witness the "YouTube Fan Fest Telugu". I could see a YouTuber, cracking some lame jokes and people were cheering him up. I got anxiety after seeing a lot of crowd over there. Without stopping anywhere, I went to the topmost floor to get rid of the crowd and their irritating yet judgmental looks. After going upstairs, I realized that "Starbucks Cafe" was on the Ground Floor. I was quite screwed up. While I was walking back to the Ground Floor, I found Dunkin Donuts. My heart dragged me towards Donuts while my brain was warning about calories. As I always listen to my heart, I had two chocolate donuts.

After filling my little tummy with donuts, I got down to the Ground floor in the elevator to get rid of the annoying crowd and rushed into the Starbucks, the heaven of Coffee. With no doubt, I have ordered for a double shot, medium Americano black coffee. I settled down myself and opened my laptop out of guilty because I felt that I spent that day in an unproductive way. I have decided to continue writing the story from Delhi. Meanwhile, I got my coffee. I added three sachets of brown sugar and had the first sip. It was amazingly bitter. I needed it to cut off my drunken mood. I felt rejuvenated after having a few more sips. Thanks to Starbucks noise proof interiors, I couldn't hear the loud noises made by the crowd at the mall. While I was appreciating music, feeling my coffee and writing a story of struggle, I found a bearded guy sitting next to my table in one of the chairs. He was around 35 plus. I could see a little salt and pepper look in his beard. He wore a black polo tee and faded denim. He was seriously instructing someone on a Walky-Talky. He saw me and we exchanged smiles.

After some time, a bunch of people rushed into the Starbucks, everyone was wearing the same type of black polo tees like the guy who sat next to my table. All those people belong to the same team. They were from an Event Management Company in Hyderabad who was organizing the YouTube Fan Fest in the mall. I came to know when they were talking to each other loudly regarding the crowd and barriers to be maintained near the stage. I have observed an odd thing. While the whole group was sitting at one place, the guy next to my table, sat alone in a moody way. He was cute, but he would have looked cuter if he could have smiled. I was too curious to know the reasons behind his mood off situation. I gave him a look and he gave me a slight smile. He asked me whether I was a blogger. I was shocked when he guessed my profession. I said yes, and took advantage of striking the conversation with him. I have confirmed by asking him that whether he was one from that Event Management team. He said he was the Senior Organizer and the staff hanging at other side were assistants. I could sense the gap of the professional hierarchy there. We exchanged a little information about each others life. He was excited when I told him that I visited Hyderabad for research about the gay lifestyle scenario.

After we got comfortable with each other, I have directly asked me for his quiet unhappy mood. He hesitantly said it was kind of personal and normal thing. When he used the word "Personal", I left the topic then and there. After a few awkward seconds of span, he himself said that he was bisexual and married to a girl forcefully. He became open to me at that time. There was some issue at home and he couldn't focus on his job. Hence, he was unnecessarily showing his frustration on his assistants. Indeed, that might be one of the reasons why he ended up alone in a Coffee place. When I was about to ask something, one girl from the team has called him for some work at the stage. He apologized to me and said that he has to attend there. I said it was fine and gave a smile. He went outside and suddenly rushed back to me. He asked me where did I put up in Hyderabad. When I mentioned my hotel name, he asked me till when I would be at the Starbucks. I have laughed and said "Till the Closing time". He raised his eyebrows and insisted me to wait and added that he would drop me till the Hotel.

It was around 11 in the night, and still people were coming to hang out at the Starbucks. But I could barely see anyone outside near the stage. The Fan Fest has got wrapped up by then and the crowd has also gotten cleared. I couldn't notice as I was totally into articulating the story. When I was settling my things up, the guy who promised me to drop me has approached me with a cute smile. He has instructed his assistants and asked me to come out of the mall. He got his blue car and asked me to get in. My favorite Ariana Grande's song has been playing when I boarded his car. I couldn't be able to control my loquaciousness and kept on talking to him all the way. He stopped opposite to my hotel. There was an awkward silence for a while. I hugged him and conveyed my thanks for dropping me at my hotel. When he was about to say something, I interrupted him by asking whether he could walk me till my room and get freshen up a little as he had a hard day. I felt I sounded a little desperate about his presence in my room. What to do then, he was charming. He just nodded his head slowly with a smile which specified that he agreed to do that.

We reached our room. I have shown him the washroom and asked him to get freshened up. He went inside. I was setting up myself and removed the clothes from my bed. I was expecting and desiring something to be happened between us. He came out and I asked him to get comfortable. I offered him water. He drank and got up to bid a bye. I hugged him slightly. He was about to leave the room but turned back and said it was nice knowing me. At the same time we rushed into each others arms and we started kissing. Because, in both of our minds, the same thing was running but we couldn't express. He removed his shirt and I could feel his hot and less hairy yet well maintained body. I was half naked. He pushed me on the bed and he started kissing my whole body and we smooched continuously. When he went to my third base, I felt something was wrong with me. While kissing, I could only think about his marital status and the thought of making him, cheated on his wife was literally killing me inside. I suddenly stopped him. But he was totally into me and wasn't caring about my words. I pushed him aside and said that I wasn't ready for sex. He asked me the reason and when I explained about it, he got convinced and acted according to my wish. He wore his shirt and I apologized to him for disappointing him. He handled it in a matured way by saying "You made my day with your personality and your way of thinking." He kissed me one more time for a few seconds and left the room.

Meeting Rizwan was accidental. Talking to him was out of curiosity. Waiting for him was out of respect. Getting dropped by him at my hotel was out of sweet gestures. But asking him to get into my room was quite desperate. I was desperate to have him in my bed, but I couldn't be able to handle him because deep inside of my heart, I felt I was making a mistake. I felt guilty and bad for his wife. Because I know how it feels when a husband or boyfriend cheat on a person who love them the most. Though he got married to a woman forcefully, I could sense the care and affection she gave him when I listened to their call while we were in the car driving towards the hotel.

Being desperate about love and relationships always make me choose wrong persons. Being desperate about making love always makes me feel guilty, Hence, being desperate about these sensual and fragile feelings is dangerous to mental health.

#everydayqueerlife #hyderabadhandles #metropolitanmindsets #hotelstories #desperate