Especially in the life of a strictly closeted queer person! Though you want to be true to yourself and others, sometimes you end up telling lies to others and also to yourself to process the things and give it a time or to save yourself from the pressures or to save your relationship. It is understandable. No person in this whole world can rely on just truth. At some point of time, every person must tell at least one lie to make things work for them or to get rid of unnecessary situations.
A queer person's life is mostly a lie, especially for the ones who are closeted enough to come out to live his life on his terms. Emotionally, he gets trapped by societal and family issues. It is easy for others to point out and ask a person to come out of the closet, but it is difficult to do that if they step into his shoes and think about coming out to society. No one likes to build up one's life on lies, but one end up not having any opportunity to reveal one true self too. That's indescribable. Maintaining a queer lifestyle openly is getting easier day by day. But imagine the people who came out when everything around them seems illegal for being themselves. Some of us have to lead that life too in a very graceful way. Though it wasn't easy on their part, they managed to be open to the people around them. They never gave a scary thought about being behind the bars. And yeah, not everyone can be like those courageous souls who make others inspire to come out of the closet.
And this could be the very reason, where some people feel like suffocating themselves in the closets they are in. Imagine the situation of a crippled boy seeing the children around him happily playing with cheerful smiles. Even though he wanted to play, his situation wouldn't allow him to do that and all he could do is see and feel happy inside by convincing himself with a lie that it is okay to be left out because of his condition. Deep down, he feels the frustration, but outside he just tries to smile, which is a lie, which helps himself that everything is okay and leaves an impression of being happy on others. This is how a strictly closeted person feels about leading a queer lifestyle. Isn't it painful?
It is easy for many of us for pushing and forcing someone to come out and lead his/her queer lifestyle like others in the LGBT community. Some of us even make fun of them for being so restricted for themselves and sometimes we may end up getting frustrated if they act too restricted to be themselves in public. None of us would understand how that closeted person feels inside. Simply, mixed emotions. In the Pride marches, we could see many people who wear masquerades and walk in between the huge crowds by keeping their hearts in their hands, getting scared every second, assuming someone may identify them. Instead of appreciating their efforts, people question their self-acceptance and their braveness. Instead of understanding, we complain and we make them feel degraded and disappointed in themselves.
It is not easy for a person to step out and participate camouflaging himself just to support the community and give his piece of effort though he/she is aware of their hidden sexuality status. They are not scared for god's sake. They are brave too. They are ready to face challenges, but they don't like creating ripples in their lifestyles. If they are not courageous, why they would take part in any such events? It gets difficult for them day by day. Behind those masks, their eyes crave for seeing themselves in reality and be like everyone else who is openly queer to society. They stop their sentences in their throats to share about themselves to the fellow queer person because they can't just open up and create a path for difficulties from society. Hence they end up telling lies about their orientation. Some behave differently and can become rude to the queer people, just to make others sure that they are not queer, but deep inside they are the ones who wanted to be out, free like the person who they bully every day.
These closeted people cry more than you, they feel suffocated more than you, they sacrifice more than you do, they suffer harder than you, they create a thick shield around them, which they want to break but can't, they laugh at you, but they cry at themselves, they pass comments on you, but feel like shit for being in such situations, they say lies to others and themselves just to cover up the bitter truth of their sexual orientations. They think a small lie may actually help them to make them feel good and keep other undisturbed (kin and kith). But they indeed know that these small lies could destroy their lives forever. The situations around them, make them strictly closeted and to cover the facts, they tell you a small lie, that they are not Queer, who is queer enough!
Leading a queer lifestyle openly with hell lot of criticism and judgments is any day better than leading a queer lifestyle being strictly closeted and saying lies to people to escape from the criticism and judgments. In case, if you ever meet such people in your life, who tries to pretend that they are not queer for the society, understand them and try to convince them to be themselves at least behind the closets. Please do not complain about their hidden status and force them to come out. For you, it may be easier to lead a struggling queer lifestyle, but for them, it may be more difficult beyond imagination. If a small lie may help them, then why can't you as a human help them? You don't have to support their lies and their fake personalities if you find a person struggling with his feelings, help him to come out of it by talking to them and make them feel like the queer community is with them. If you are open about your orientation and if you find someone who is closeted, open up yourself to make them open up to you, that is what being open-minded strictly mean.