A few reasons why queer allies hesitate to support you publicly!
Queer allies are generally people who come forward to support people from the queer community in every possible way and also stand against all the odds to face queerphobic societal norms. These allies are pretty much important for any queer person to bring normality to society and mostly all these queer allies are heterosexuals. They can be your friends, relatives, cousins and well-wishers. Amidst these judgmental scenarios in society, supporting patterns are also getting compromised because of the narrow mindsets of people around. Hence, the queer allies who truly want to support queer people publicly, hesitate a bit to show their love and support and the reasons are ridiculous to even consider but you being a queer person, need to know and fight against such complexities to make sure your queer allies happily support you without any hesitation.
It's extremely distressing to feel one's sexual orientation becoming doubtful and being at stake when one supports queer people. This is a common phenomenon where some prudish people doubt a heterosexual person's gender identity and sexual orientation if he/she supports any queer person. In addition to that, these people even target and tag them as queer people by spreading unnecessary rumours about the orientations of true queer allies. Imagine, if you are a queer person and someone tags you as straight, how do you feel? You surely get offended, right? So it is quite understandable for any queer ally to hesitate to extend their support to any queer person publicly.
Your queer ally can be supportive and protective, but it doesn't mean the people belonging to your queer ally's circle can show the same kind of support. Various people have various mindsets, and you can't expect the same behaviour from every person. Under the influence of such people be it queerphobic people or people who aren't aware of people who are stubborn to accept, there is a possibility of mixed supporting behaviour from your true queer ally, especially in public. Sometimes the people in your queer allies' lives may become the strong reason for the hesitation of extending support to you publicly.
Similarly, if you are best friends with many straight people, you can easily understand how different your queer life is when compared to theirs and sometimes you may feel odd about their behaviour when they act a little restrictive and rigid when you people are hanging out together in public, especially if you are that queer person whose dressing patterns and behavioural patterns are queer.
Even though your mom is your closest queer ally, she may feel a bit hesitant to talk about you when she knows that people are going to judge you, and your best girl pal may not include you in her party plans when she is with her homophobic boyfriend, your cousins may ask you to compromise your queer personality because their friends are not aware of anything about the queer community, you may not get invited for some events where conservative people make their presences, you may feel left out when your friends don't tag you along to a place which is a small town filled with close-minded people. All these people are your true queer allies but sometimes they end up thinking twice before extending their support publicly to you for being a queer person.
In this modern scenario, being a queer person isn't a big deal but at the same time, some conservative and conventional people portray it as a big deal as if it is a sin to be a queer person. In a workspace where thousands of people work together under the same roof, you can't expect everyone to accept you and your orientation without judging you. Because of these very people, your true queer allies may hesitate to extend their support to you in some degrading situations by thinking about the further consequences and complications.
So, being a queer how do you nullify this phenomenon, where you make sure your queer allies remain undisturbed without getting influenced by these petty-minded people? Well, even though you feel it is a disgusting factor, sometimes you need to accept and understand the scenario from your queer ally's point of view. To blur the lines, all you can do is to bring the improvement in the situation by toning down the whole scenario. This can happen only if you know where to and where not to expect their support, at least this won't bring you disappointment. And if you are brave enough to deal with the situation, stand for yourself and stand for your queer allies by announcing their unconditional support to society. Also, work for the change where you publicly make your queer allies comfortable enough to support you without hesitation. This takes some time to settle and make your queer ally give no damn to people when it comes to being with you without compromising their sexual orientations. And it all happens only when you and your queer allies understand each other better.
